Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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