You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
