You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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