Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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