Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
