Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
