Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
