she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
