I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
