fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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