this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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