It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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