Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
