nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
