you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
