My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
