if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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