I want to walk on stilts...naked
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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