I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
