And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
