...so i touched it.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You can't special order awesome
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
