so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
