He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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