If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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