he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
