Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
