hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
