If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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