i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
