you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
