even my farts smell like vagina
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
