You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
