I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So apparently I’m into choking now
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