y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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