And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
