o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
