I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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