i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
