i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
