he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
