who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
