and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
