me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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