when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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