If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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