Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
