im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
COCAINE IS GR8
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
