New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
