Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
