i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
