why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
