At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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